hey mum im kind of finding it hard to cope just now, cant seem to get myself together, feels like im pushing everyone away and i dont mean to its just hard. I wish i could just wake up and things would be back to normal again but thats never gonna happen because your not here. I dont know what to do to try and get back my happy self and its hurting me to think everyone thiks im just walking around with my face tripping me. We all went to the pics tonight to see rise of the planet of the apes was a good film, there was me, alan, dad, dave, caitlin and courtney. Miss you more and more everyday but i just look at my new tattoo in memory of you and that seems to brighten my day xxxxx